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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30125961">The moon is beautiful isn't it?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/peony_bloom/pseuds/peony_bloom'>peony_bloom</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Relationships, Delusions, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:29:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30125961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/peony_bloom/pseuds/peony_bloom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I’ve always wanted to run away from this hell hole. I want to see the world. The real world. Obviously, this is not a life that I am living right now. I want to see how normal people live their life. More than anything, I want to see the moon.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armin Arlert/Reader, Levi Ackerman &amp; Furlan Church &amp; Isabel Magnolia, Levi Ackerman &amp; Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman &amp; Reader, Levi Ackerman/Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. you were too bright for me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>****Trigger warning<br/>Violence, domestic violence, suicide, and self-harming are included</p>
<p>***Tip while reading<br/>The title of each is the lyrics of a song, so please feel free to listen while reading or after reading. The name of the song will be at the beginning of the chapter</p>
<p>**Spoilers alert<br/>This story is based on the original plot of the main AOT series and Levi’s OVA</p>
<p>*Age of most of the character is changed to suits the plot and to prevent the issue of pedophile</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <b>Golden by Harry Styles</b> </em>
</p>
<p><a href="https://youtu.be/P3cffdsEXXw">https://youtu.be/P3cffdsEXXw</a> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Year 843, Mitras, Underground city </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you dare to step those dirty feet into this room, I’ll kill you”</p>
<p>“And if you don’t teach me, I’m totally stepping in”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I responded furiously to a 22 years old (short)man who now is glaring at my feet my disgustingly</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“ Wah! You are fearless <strong><em> Rose</em></strong>. That’s the spirit!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another girl in the room walked up to me and patted me softly on the shoulder and the other man was giggling at my ‘trying to look tough’ posture.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Both Isabel and Farlan are so nice to me, especially Isabel. However, since the day I've been following them around, this tiny man still can’t stop looking at people with his annoying side eyes with his hand rubbed in that white handkerchief. These manners bother me, but I can’t deny that he is the coolest, yet the meanest person you’ll ever meet. Since that day I saw him and his mates use that swing-flying thing. He is the only hope for me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tch... I see no difference”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This tiny man, with the crossed arm, also walked up to me and scanned me from my head to toes then looked back at Isabel that is now standing beside me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you mean no difference, Big bro?! I'm much older than Rose!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<strong><em> Levi </em></strong>means you both have the exact same personality. Don’t you guys realize?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With the confirmation from Farlan, Levi’s facial expression becomes more and more annoyed. I guess he just doesn’t like a personality like me and Isabel. Perhaps, I might hate us.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“C’mon Big bro! Our little Rose is adorable! I mean look at her! She is 14 and she got the fighter spirit just like me. I bet it would take only a week for her to master the ODM gear.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No... She’s too small”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How am I too small?! We are nearly at the same height, Mister Levi.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“..........Huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yep, I messed up. I knew I shouldn't have said it even though it’s true.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aha….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Breaking the silence in the room, Farlan is now laughing his ass off while Isabel is trying to sneak out of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s only you and Isabel who dare to say these kinda things to Levi hahaha”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I looked back at the tiny man that I just offended, he is now standing above my head and looked down at me like he is 10 feet tall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“At the same height huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Without me saying a word, he grabs my cheeks with one hand and he bends down to me a little.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright.. I’ll teach you, you grubby”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“R-Really?!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But.. I’ll teach in my way and if you can’t take it, just cry and run away. You understand?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Y-Yes! I do sir”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And number one rule, clean yourself before you come here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes sir!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And stop calling me sir or mister, it’s annoying”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then.. what should I call you si-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Levi is enough”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Y- Yes Levi! Thank you!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I smiled widely then jumped around with joy. Isabel even joined me in this little celebration. He looked at us with his fed-up expression.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> ‘Two Isabel… this is going to be chaos.’ </em>He thought to himself. He let out a big sigh and walked back into his room</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Congratulations Rose!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you, Isabel”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyways, why do you want to learn using the gears?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will join the Survey Corps”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You...WHAT?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Isabel looked at me like she can’t comprehend what she just heard</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“T- The Survey Corps? But.. why?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll get out of here”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“.........”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My eyes should speak for me of how striving I was. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I… I’ve always wanted to run away from this hell hole. I want to see the world. The real world. Obviously, this is not a life that I am living right now. I want to see how ‘normal people live their life. More than anything, I want to see the moon. The moon that she once told me was big enough to light up the world during the night. The moon that she always wanted to see, my mother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want to see the moon...so please Isabel, Farlan, and Levi! I know you are listening! Please help me to go up there to see it with my own eyes!!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I shouted out loud enough to reach that person inside the room. The room was once again in silence before Isabel also shouted out</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s right Rose!! I want to see the sky too! A life to be free up there! Is that so Big Bro! Farlan! Let’s get the hell out of here together Rose!”</p>
<p>‘Tch…’ Levi that was listening behind the closed door never imagined that he would have to deal with this double extra energy, but… it seems like he didn’t hate it that much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get out of here?” he mumbled to himself</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I might also have to get out of this shitty place… for those idiots”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. am I allowed to look at her like that?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>She by Dodie Clark</strong> </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> <strong> <a href="https://youtu.be/gEdZFhCEjWI">https://youtu.be/gEdZFhCEjWI</a> </strong> </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>3 months later</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wooooooooo”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Weeeeeeeeeee”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite all the depressing environment of the underground city, there was only me and Isabel that seemed to be enjoying our best time with the ODM gear. We were flying around from building across the building in this little alley, above the head of Levi and Farlan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is amazing!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right? It’s like we have a flying superpower!!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Isabel responded while landing on the ground, leaving me flying alone above their heads.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It really does feel like flying. I’ve never felt this free before. Up there, what would it be if I was able to use this up in the real sky? I might be able to get closer to the moo-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ouch!!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, the belt was scratching my wound on the back, making me lose my focus. Before I could realize it, the wall was right in front of me. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey! Watch out!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hurriedly closed my eyes and prepared for the impact.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>SLAM!!!</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I’m...Fine? It’s not even hurt a bit? And it’s… Soft?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I slowly opened my eyes and found out that someone has become my airbag.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“L...Levi?!”</p>
<p>“Big bro!”</p>
<p>Turns out, it was Levi who used himself as an airbag before I could hit the wall. Instead, he was the one who got hit by the wall and also by me. My head went straight to his right cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He safely brought me to the ground then glared at me with this empty-looking face. I could not lie that I still hardly dislike this expression of his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rose! Big bro! Are you guys okay?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine... Just take a look at this grubby brat first.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pointed his head toward me before bringing out his handkerchief like when he just touched something dirty. After touching… me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure you’re alright Levi?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But your nose is bleeding”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>OH HELL NO. I'M DEAD</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I should go home and take a look at both of you. Especially you Big bro, your face will surely be swollen”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But if your cheeks get swollen, you will look exactly like a kid.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi froze for a second before he walked straight into the house, followed by me, Isabel, and Farlan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He must hate to be seen as a kid, or else he just has this hatred toward kids. Wait a damn second, I AM A KID. Does that mean he might hate me? Maybe? Or did he? For god's sake Rose, not only have I once bullied him about his height in front of his group, but I also got him hurt. How the hell am I still alive? Or did he plan to kill me later? Yeah… He was one of the scariest people in town. How did I ever forget that? I’m obviously going to d-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You hurt?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I looked up only to find out that there are now only I and Levi left in the room. I don’t even know when Farlan and Isabel left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ah… this must be it… the end of me is near…</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>“Oi… Did you forget how to speak?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I- I’m so sorry that I got you hurt! I didn’t mean to, I- I didn’t mean to be a burden”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I bent down my head to my knees, hoping he would show some empathy for my sincere apology.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And quite…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t answer anything but walk to the shelf and pick something up. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A knife maybe?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He handed it to me</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Here”</p>
<p>“...?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I looked into his hand and realized it was a jar of healing cream that only had a little bit left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I already told Farlan to buy you a new one. Just used this first if you hurt that much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I respond to him with confusion in my eyes, making him sigh out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your back... It’s hurting, isn’t it? I told you not to tighten the belt too much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t you… like… upset with me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should I?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“N- No!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then take it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I’ve never felt this relief. I thought he was going to kick me in the face. Apparently, He was nicer than I thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t you also need to use it?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But Isabel said that you would look like a kid if your face is puffy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you wanna die?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hahahaha I’m sorry”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“....What happened to your back-”</p>
<p>“I’m back Big bro!!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Isabel slammed the door open with a pack of ice in her hand before running straight to Levi and using both hands to cover Levi’s cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi seems to get startled by that action. His eyes unconsciously got wider and his whole body froze like a statue, letting Isabel go on a full touching session of his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Huh?... What is this reaction here?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Isabel seems not to notice that Levi’s cheeks have turned to bright red. I don’t know if it’s from the bruise or…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rose! Wait for a second okay? Farlan is coming back with the healing cream. Ah.. the ice is all melted. I’ll go get more ice for you Big bro.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everything happened so fast that I and Levi didn’t have a chance to answer. And looks like he is still stunned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He really couldn’t even hide the facial expression.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ahem!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi got his consciousness back and glared back at me</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You are too obvious Mister Levi”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I mean…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I walked up to him and stared at his cheeks</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know, your cheeks are now red a like a fresh tomato”</p>
<p>“It’s because you hit me with your stone head.”</p>
<p>“Is that so? I don’t remember hitting you on the ear”</p>
<p>“What exactly are you trying to say?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The case is solved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You like Isabel?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“....”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hah! I got it right!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It is extremely obvious that how could Farlan and even Isabel herself not notice this? I’m truly happy that this cold-hearted man has feelings like normal people. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll help you!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I didn’t ask for your help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But..”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I said what I said. I don’t want your help and I don’t want you to be nosy with my personal life. I can handle it myself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And also, stop making my life harder than it is. If you don’t stop being so annoying, I’ll throw you out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“.....”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“After Farlan is back, you can go home. You don’t have to come here this often, it’s annoying.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He walked back into his room and left me standing there speechless. That might be the first time I ever heard him talk that long. He’s right after all that I’m just a burden for people, I don’t even feel offended by these words anymore. I know that it is my fault to talk about these sensitive matters. Maybe I can apologize to him later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I just… I really don’t want to go home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. still nobody wants me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW!!!!! panic attack</p><p>I changed the structure a little bit. Thank you for the kuddos! This is my first time writing, I apologize for any mistakes.</p><p>PS. Erdmond is a german word. Look if up for a little surprise!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <b>Nobody by Mitski</b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b> <a href="https://youtu.be/qooWnw5rEcI">https://youtu.be/qooWnw5rEcI</a> </b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>#3 still nobody wants me</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“What is this?” Levi asked confusedly with a thing in front of him. “An apology… from me” I handed him a bag of tea that I brought from home. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t reply but took the teabag with a disgust-face expression then glared back at me. His mood seems to get better from the other day, so this might be a good time for a sincere apology. It was really hard for me to find him a gift since I didn’t have any money or any vulnerable thing. A piece of a teabag is the only thing I can find in my house that he wouldn’t notice if I steal it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I know it’s not much but it took lots of bravery to bring it to you.” He still did not answer anything but observing the teabag.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry Mister Levi!!” I lower my head again for an apology. That’s when he replied, “Stop with overacting… and stop calling me mister”. I knew how much hate when I called him Mister, but I needed to show my respect toward him, or else he might end up stopping teaching me to use ODM gear properly. </p><p> </p><p>“It was my fault that I crossed the line. You can hit me if you want but please don’t stop teaching me!”I leaned my face to him and prepared for the hit.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t teach you if you still think I’m that devilish” He sounds disappointing as I say that he could hit me. “Huh?... No!” I replied when he suddenly bent down to me. “Then why do you think that I would hit you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I- I don’t know, I just thought I deserved to get hit” Isn’t it normal? A wrongdoer must be punished to learn their mistakes. Am I not right?</p><p> </p><p>“If you are afraid of me that much then stop coming here.” He turned back. </p><p> </p><p>Without thinking, I grabbed his shirt from behind making him look over his shoulder back at me. “I’m not afraid of you,” I said. “A hit from you won’t scare me even a bit. I need to be strong to be able to live in this shitty place right?” I confidently said it even though I know it’s gonna be hurt if he hit me.</p><p> </p><p>He turned back to me to continue to listen to me.</p><p> </p><p>“I look up to you Levi. I want to be strong like you.” I said it sincerely. If only I was strong like him, I would be able to protect everyone that I love.</p><p>“Are you not scared of me?” He asked again while lifting his hand. He is probably going to hit me. I closed my eyes again and spoke assuredly. “No.”</p><p> </p><p>I was waiting for him to hit me in the face, but instead, everything went downhill.</p><p> </p><p>He put his hand on my head. Gently. </p><p> </p><p>Inversely, my blood went cold and my body froze.</p><p> </p><p>Everything in my head went white and my hands started to shake uncontrollably. “Please let go…” I mumbled under my short breath. My visions are now blurry from tears that are slowly flowing out on my cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” He said while still patting his hand on my head. </p><p> </p><p>‘This is Levi, not him’ I rapidly repeated this sentence in my head, but it’s useless. Why am I like this? I feel like my throat is being strangled. I– I cannot take this. I have to get away. I have to… </p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Let me go!!!!! Don’t– don’t touch me. Please.” I screamed as I severely pushed Levi’s hand off my head. I covered my hair with both hands and started to catch my breath. </p><p> </p><p>Levi will probably be shocked by my unexpected action. I– I need to explain.</p><p> </p><p>I tried to speak but my body could not stop shaking. I looked up to Levi to keep my focus, but when I saw his expression, he looked… disappointed?</p><p> </p><p>“Scared of me that much?” he asked with his dead cold voice. </p><p> </p><p>No… I wanted to say that it was not because of him, but my lips just aren’t moving. </p><p> </p><p>“Then don’t come back here, ever again.”</p><p> </p><p>Please don’t walk away.</p><p> </p><p>He– He walked away.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not like I wanted to be like this. Why does everyone hate me that much for something that I could not control? All I wanted to be normal like everyone else. Why does no one understand? Can’t they just stay to let me explain? </p><p> </p><p>Nobody stayed. Nobody even cared to listen. </p><p> </p><p>I just wanted help.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> 3 weeks later </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been weeks, Levi,” Farlan said.</p><p> </p><p> “What?” “It’s been weeks that Rose hasn’t shown up” Farlan spoke to Levi that is sitting there, sipping his tea. “And?” He replied. with his emotionless facial expression like he doesn’t give a tiny shit about that loud kid.</p><p> </p><p>“Big bro, perhaps… you didn’t call her annoying or anything. Right?” Isabel added.</p><p> </p><p>“...” Silence means yes in Levi’s language. Honestly, that doesn’t seem to surprise Farlan and Isabel much. They knew that it’s Levi’s nature to get annoyed easily. It’s like a daily routine for these two to get scolded and even ignored. But for a kid, a personality like Levi’s must be really scary and confusing for them.</p><p> </p><p>“You know that she didn’t mean to hurt you, big bro! It’s unnecessary to be that mean to her.” Isabel raised her voice to defend her young friend. He didn’t answer anything because he knew it wasn’t about that.</p><p> </p><p>He always knew that he was not a good person and he didn't want to be one. However, he just wanted people around him, especially those who he saw as a family, to see him as a normal person. Not an evil who could hurt anyone. That’s why he pushed Rose away.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s her choice to run away. That’s it” Levi got up and left the house.</p><p> </p><p>It is useless to keep arguing with Isabel, so he decided to leave, but that is not the only reason. Something just didn’t feel right for him. He has those weird senses that could tell him if something bad is happening or about to happen, and more importantly, those senses never go wrong. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t know why but the feeling that he has right now was too annoying for him. He knows certainly something is off with that kid. These feelings started to make him doubt if what he said to that kid was right or not.</p><p> </p><p>He always knew that he was sensitive to trust issues. He might be a cold-hearted person, but not a monster. He will not give a chance to those that saw him as one.</p><p> </p><p>But what if he’s wrong?</p><p> </p><p>What if all he could have done is asked?</p><p> </p><p>“Erdmond, he’s drunk again. There’s a loud voice coming from his house right now.” After a while of walking, Levi came across two women that were having a conversation about a man, Harvard Erdmond. Erdmond is a problematic man who is well-known for his use of violence. He usually got drunk and picked up a fight with random people. Levi was not surprised to hear because it is something usual in the underground.</p><p> </p><p>“That man again? The military police could not do a damn thing! It was so depressing when I heard his daughter painfully scream out of their house.” A strange feeling is now growing bigger inside him. His feet stopped and started to turn around by themselves.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah...<b>Rose Erdmond, </b>that poor girl”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. isn't it lovely, all alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW!!!!! Violence (serious injury)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <b>Lovely by Billie Eillish</b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b> <a href="https://youtu.be/V1Pl8CzNzCw">https://youtu.be/V1Pl8CzNzCw</a> </b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>#4 isn’t it lovely, all alone</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He was never a good father</p><p> </p><p>, but he was one.</p><p> </p><p>He was a man who worked hard for his family which included me and my mother. Still, despite how hard he worked, we could not escape the poverty and the sickening environment of this underground city. </p><p> </p><p>Have you ever heard how places could drive people insane? That was exactly what happened to him, my father. His anger issues have always been there but what distracted him from it is the struggle to live and a little bit of alcohol. His typical behavior to let out the stress is by pushing and kicking things, sometimes, only a few times, it was my mother who got pushed. Depends on how bad of the day he got.</p><p> </p><p>“He loves us, Rose. He just needed time. He’ll get us out of here” That's what she told me every time I had to treat her bruises. </p><p> </p><p>Love? I didn't even understand the meaning of it. The only love that seems to look like others to me was the one that I got from my mother.</p><p> </p><p>Mother was a beautiful woman. She always dreamt of living up there, where she could see the moon. It might sound funny, but that’s all I know about her. She spent every single second taking care of me, everything in her life is all about me since I was born.</p><p> </p><p>“Grow up, and live my Rose, be free,” She told me every single day until that night I found her lying on the ground.</p><p> </p><p>The military police told me that it was an accident. She fell down the stairs. That was all I knew.</p><p> </p><p>I was eight. I did feel sad, but the emptiness inside me was too big to comprehend the word pain. Father was sorrowful, of course. He did not show up for days.</p><p> </p><p>On the day he came back, that was the first he hit me.</p><p> </p><p>“She died because of you, remember that you little bitch” That was the first thing he said to me before he punched me in the face, together with a few kicks. I am sure that was not the love my mother talked about. </p><p> </p><p>The bruise on my eyes and around my body got the attention of people living around us. The military police restrain him for weeks, and that’s when he learned he could not leave any bruises where it could be seen by people.</p><p> </p><p>From slapping or punching my face, he started to kick me. What seems to satisfy him the most is to grab my hair and drag me around. That makes him fully in control of me, and most importantly, it leaves no trace.</p><p> </p><p>My mother loved him.</p><p> </p><p>She loved him so much that she could not leave him from this hell town. She could have had a better life. We could have had a better life together.</p><p> </p><p>However, she did leave. She left me with this man that I call father. That’s the worst thing she ever did to me.</p><p> </p><p>Just like my mother said, my only purpose of living was to see the moon. That might sound poetic, but somehow for mother, the moon is the definition of freedom. So I will survive. I will do whatever it takes to be up there. That’s the only way to be free.</p><p> </p><p>Until I saw them.</p><p> </p><p>They freely jumped around the city using that ODM gear thing, uncatchable by the police. They were so high up there, nearly touching the ceiling. It’s like no one could ever catch them. They are… free?</p><p> </p><p>Maybe that’s my way out.</p><p> </p><p>That ODM gear was the equipment from the military. If I was able to use it, I will be able to join the corps. I want to be like them.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Father found out that I stole a teabag. A one fucking tea bag.</p><p> </p><p>And now I'm laying on the floor. With the sharp pain on my head, he is grabbing my hair, continuously kicking me.</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking BITCH!!! I knew it!!!! You were planning to rob me don’t ya! You fucking snake!!!!!” That's what a father said to his only daughter.</p><p> </p><p>I will never get used to pain. I hate it every time he grabs my hair, but what could I do? Kill him? Will I regret doing that? I don’t know.</p><p> </p><p>“I- I’m sor..ry, father” It’s like an automatic response. While he kept kicking me, I will say these things that I didn’t want to. I’m not sorry and I hate him. </p><p> </p><p>“You know I did all this because I love you right, my child? You were disobeying me, steal my shit, so you need to get punished.” He said while grabbing my hair and pulling it up to make me listen.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Bullshit. I was fucking bullshit. He never did love me.</p><p> </p><p>My head started to hurt more and more as he pulled me up. It’s like he’s trying to rip off my scalp. It’s painful, too painful. My vision is now blurry. The surrounding seems to get a little bit heavier and quieter.</p><p> </p><p>Am I dying?</p><p> </p><p>“Say you are fucking sorry, child” The sound of him is now so faded as my body is shutting down. </p><p> </p><p>“....” No words left my mouth. I am scared. I don’t wanna die. Not like this.</p><p> </p><p>“FUCKING SPE-” Suddenly, the pain stopped. He let go of me. I played on the ground, my body all worn out. The only thing I instantly did was to cover my head and my hair because he will probably grab it again.</p><p> </p><p>I lay there for a second and nothing happened. The surrounding sound once again became clearer until I heard the sound of punching and the scream of my father. “Who…” I tried to speak as my eyes began to focus. </p><p> </p><p>As he heard my voice, the man turned to me immediately and ran to me, and helped me sit back up.</p><p> </p><p>I did not expect to see him. I didn't even expect help in the first place. This must be an illusion or something. Why is he here?</p><p> </p><p>“Levi?” I asked with all my strength. He is Levi, but there is something different about him now. His eyes widened, pale face and the rest of his face is full of emotion. The face that used to be so cold is now full of worries.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you-” I stopped my sentence right there because my face is now buried in his chest. Without saying anything, the first thing he did is hug me. I don’t know if I should feel confused or scared, but that's the first time I’ve ever been hugged. For a long time, I felt protected. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re okay” With his words, I didn't know when tears ran down my cheeks uncontrollably.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s get out of here,” He said, helping me to get up.</p><p> </p><p>“Just like your mother…” A voice from behind spoke while we were leaving. “That bitch was trying to abandon us.” The mention of my mother made me stop walking. “Don’t call her that” I turned around to him seeing that he was laying fatally on the floor, but he still managed to disgustingly smile at me.</p><p> </p><p>“My child, that night she was about to leave you here in this fucking city. Leave a burden like you with me.” My eyes are now filled with tears of anger. “Rose, let’s go” Levi is trying to lead me out of the house.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna know how I stopped her?” At that moment, I froze and everything went cold. Honestly, deep down I always knew. I just don’t want to accept it.</p><p> </p><p>“I pushed her down a fucking stairs”</p><p> </p><p>“...”</p><p> </p><p>“And that’s how she died”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop”</p><p> </p><p>“She died because she was trying to leave you here.”</p><p> </p><p>“I SAID STOP”</p><p> </p><p>“IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU”</p><p> </p><p>“FUCKING STOP!!!!!!!”</p><p> </p><p>All my consciousness is gone, I have no idea when or how I took Levi’s knife and got to my father. </p><p> </p><p>All I know is now he’s under me. My body went on its own and finally, </p><p> </p><p>the knife went right into his eye.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. no one can hurt you now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW!!!!!! Panic Attack</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong> Safe &amp; Sound by Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars </strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong> <a href="https://youtu.be/RzhAS_GnJIc">https://youtu.be/RzhAS_GnJIc</a> </strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> #5 no one can hurt you now. </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>With the torturously screamed far behind them, Levi pulled, nearly dragged Rose out of that house. He was shocked by what happened, but more than that, he can’t imagine how traumatized it was for her. She just would not move, sat there, body’s shaking, holding on tightly to the knife. Tears are streaming down her face with her eyes wide open. She didn't even blink.</p><p> </p><p>Levi didn’t plan for any of this. At the first moment that he opened up the door and found her, battered on the floor. Her hair was in his hand, pulled intensely. He was not upset with the tragic scene that he saw. </p><p> </p><p>He could have noticed something earlier.</p><p> </p><p>Now he knows why she acted so scared when he put his hand on her head. He was infuriated at himself.</p><p> </p><p>They were running away before someone could come and see them. The whole area was filled with Harvard’s screaming in pain, but luckily, no one saw them. Hands in hands, they have been running toward nowhere for minutes now, when Levi noticed the tug from behind. Rose has now stopped running.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you alright?” Levi asked while Rose stood still and refused to move.</p><p> </p><p>She dropped down to her knees and just stared at her hands covered in blood. She is stuck in there. Her consciousness, her soul, they were all crushed to pieces.</p><p> </p><p>Was her mother trying to abandon her? Was she the one who caused it? Has her mother ever loved her? She doesn't know anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“I...I’m sorry….I’m sorry... I’m sor- ry” She muttered under her breath while trying to catch it at the same time. Raising her stained hands to her hair, she started to pull them aggressively. She is losing it, Levi knew from the action. He needs to do something that he could have done back then. He looked around to see if they were safe before he kneeled to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey kid… look at me” He speaks softly like he never did before while staring at Rose’s empty and watery eyes. He needs to bring her back. Hands-on her head is now tightened and wrenching. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” she’s repeating over and over again, both out loud and in her own messed up mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Rose…” He whispered. Slowly, he put his hands over Rose’s. “Give me your hands.” He continued while looking right into her eyes. Their eyes locked on each other when she began to blink and softened hers.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re safe now,” Levi reassured while holding her hands and pulled them off her head. At the same time, Rose appeared to be more relaxed than the minutes before. She loosened up her hands and breath deeply and exhaustingly. Levi drifted her focus to him, trying to make her breath sync with his.</p><p> </p><p>She trusts him enough to come back.</p><p> </p><p>“Help me” She sniffled for the last time before her eyes shut and her body trembled to the ground.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>
  <em> Year 844, Mitras, Underground city </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It kept replaying in my head</p><p> </p><p>That scene... That moment when blood was splattering on my face and his faded screams.</p><p> </p><p>I woke up gasping for air and my eyes wide open. It haunted me even while I’m sleeping. It has been months, but the picture in my head is still as vivid as it just happened yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>I barely remember the afterward, the next thing I know is I woke up at Levi's place with Isabel looking after me. For days that I had not opened my mouth. I tried to eat, but that nauseous scene was repeating in my head over and over. Only picturing his face and what he said to me, I could lose it anytime. Sometimes in my sleep, I saw him there covered in blood with my hair in his hand. I was going insane.</p><p> </p><p>Nobody talked to me about the incident. They acted as nothing had ever happened, especially Levi. After that day, we didn’t have any conversation at all. He kept avoiding me and hid in his room and I exactly knew why. </p><p> </p><p>I was the one who brought him to this mess. It was all my fault from the start. I should never have come here in the first place. All I ever was good at was to be a burden to people, to these people, to mother. If I were never born, my mother and that man might have a better life. Maybe he will actually be a good husband. Maybe the one who should be dead was me. Maybe...</p><p> </p><p>These thoughts were so loud in my mind back then.</p><p> </p><p>Until that one day, I can’t even remember what I was doing, when out of the blue, Levi sat down in front of me and stared at me with this same old emotionless face. “It’s not your fault,” He said.</p><p> </p><p>“I killed him.” It was the first sentence in a while that I have spoken. I avoided his stare by looking down to the ground. </p><p> </p><p>“You did what you have to do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Am I?” I questioned, not to him, but myself. “What if…. What if… It was all because of me. What if all this time, he was doing the right thing? To get rid of a burden like me. What if I should be the who got-”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you stupid?” He simply asked before I could say anything more. I looked at him confusingly. “If you continue saying those shits, I will toss you out of my house.” He got up from his seat and walked up to me. “Do you really think your life was that worthless to just give it up to that useless bastard? You didn’t owe anyone anything, not to me, not to that man, and not to your mother.” </p><p> </p><p>How was it not my fault?</p><p> </p><p>How did he know what’s been stuck in my head?</p><p> </p><p>Why can’t he just stay quiet and let me forget it? </p><p> </p><p>The silence took place in the room, just me stared into his eyes. Except, behind those quiescent eyes, He meant what he said. </p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you hate me?” I finally said it out loud. “I was the one who fucked up everyone's life, including you. Wasn’t that the reason you have been avoiding me? So why are you saying things to make me feel better? Why... ” and again, he didn’t respond, simply staring at me let it all out. “Why am I still scared?” I spoke softly. Tears were flowing down my face uncontrollably.</p><p> </p><p>He kneeled at me with the same expression. “That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. I don’t want to remind you of that day. I’m sor-....” He paused for a moment and then stood up. “Just so you know that from now on, nothing can hurt you anymore. You are safe. You can leave those shitty pasts behind because nothing has ever been your fault.”</p><p> </p><p>Maybe… that is all I ever wanted to hear.</p><p> </p><p>I broke down and cried for hours. It was like the pieces in my mind finally pieced back together and my feelings that had been stuck finally exploded.</p><p> </p><p>It took months to recover from those nightmares. I would not say that I'm over it, it’s just…, I decided to hide it deep in my memory until I finally forget. I’m not scared anymore and from now on, I will be focusing on living my life and being free.</p><p> </p><p>Currently, I live with Levi, Isabel, and Farlan, but not even a single time that they allowed me to go out and do the work with them even though I have already mastered my ODM gear skill. They always go out and bring food or stuff for us. However, recently things have looked stressful for them. I have heard once that they have been hired to do something with someone in the military.</p><p> </p><p>On this typical day, from the corner of the building, I saw all of them were captured by people in military uniform with a wings symbol on their back, Wings of freedom, a Survey Corps. ‘What are they doing with the survey corps?’ I thought to myself. Suddenly, Levi got pushed down to the ground. It was the first time I have ever seen anybody do that to him.</p><p> </p><p>“L- Levi!” I silently interjected which at the same time, Levi saw me with the side of his face buried in mud. He forcefully shook his head as if he was telling me to stay away.</p><p> </p><p>“Join the Survey Corps.” One tall blonde man that stood in front of them stated. </p><p> </p><p>‘What? The survey corps? They all have never been interested in joining the military. Moreover, their age is above the requirement to be a cadet.’ I looked at them and was hoping that they would be released from the arrest. Again, Levi glared back at me for a second before looking back at the man.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll join the Survey Corps” I could not process what I heard. </p><p> </p><p>I watched them as they were taken away.</p><p> </p><p>That was the last time I saw three of them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. I have brought you a star</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have changed the age of most of the main characters to between 17-18 at year 847</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <b>—star. by Nadin Amizah<br/></b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b> <a href="https://youtu.be/YQY_-uA4uBs">https://youtu.be/YQY_-uA4uBs</a> </b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>#6</strong> <b> I have brought you a star</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Year 847, Wall Rose </em>
</p><p> </p><p>So this is what it looks like, the moon. <em> A big ivory-silver ball glinting in the night sky, bright enough to lighten up the whole forest. </em>It is exactly what my mother described to me. It became my routine to watch the moon before I could go to bed. Now, I’m here watching it from the window of my room that I shared with another girl at the training camp.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, I finally joined the 104th training corps.</p><p> </p><p>The journey began 2 years ago when I illegally <em> escaped </em> from the Underground City.</p><p> </p><p>Sure… I was waiting for them, for one whole year. There was no sign of them coming back. Even so, I knew there was a reason for that. They must be somewhere so far away that they could not come back. They will never forget about me. The only clue I have as they were taken by someone from the Survey Corps, so I set my destination there. This is not the only reason I joined the military, but mainly, I really want to see them again.</p><p> </p><p>It was rough the first year. I ran away from the main city once I reached the town above. I didn’t even have time to admire anything. I kept on walking, looking down to the ground, and hid behind someone's wagon. Until I got out of the district and went outside the Wall Sina. </p><p> </p><p>That was when I saw grasses, no…, a field… that seems endless. A forest filled with massive trees, and for the first time, I felt the ray of sunshine touching my skin for the first time and a big blue sky that was just right above my head. It was overwhelming, I could say. </p><p> </p><p>I reached a small village that was not so far from the wall. There was a family who helped me when I was lost in the woods, A Braus family. Basically, I was adopted by them, but never have I told them where I came from and they never asked me about that. </p><p> </p><p>I didn’t trust anybody. </p><p> </p><p>Not even with the girl, A Braus’s daughter, who was trying so hard to talk to me. I didn’t want to be like this, but I didn’t know when they were going to tell me to leave. So I thought staying quiet and not being a burden was the only way to keep my head under the roof.</p><p> </p><p>Looking at them was painful. Parents and their little girl. If only we had lived at a beautiful place like this. If only I had grown up under a clear sky, would it be any different for me, for us?</p><p> </p><p>2 years have passed by, They took care of me well. I used to be so quiet toward them, but how could I ever resist not talking to this talkative potato lover girl. She always came to me with a bright smile that reminded me of Isabel, she is the only one talked to. Turned out, she was also planning to join the Corps as well.</p><p> </p><p>Therefore here I am at the training camp, under the Name of Rose Braus. 17 years old, Dauper village girl who is a quiet sister of Sasha Braus, the one that ate potato in front of the head commandant of the Training Corps. There goes my peace to stay quiet and not talk to anyone because now everyone keeps looking at me and this (fake)sister of mine like a weirdos.</p><p> </p><p>Today was the first day of being a cadet. After the welcome ceremony, it was a dinner time which I was sitting alone (because my dumb fake sister was ordered to run until she’s on the verge of death) not so far from a group of people who were talking and paying attention to this one young man, his name is Eren? I don’t even remember.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I saw it,” He said annoyingly to people who kept bothering him. “Huhhh! How big was it?” all of them gasp in surprise. “Enough to look over the wall”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, his word got my attention. Was he talking about the titan? Has he seen one? How could I even forget that humanity is now living in a world full of titan? I was busy focusing on the problem that I forgot that we are living inside a humongous wall. We were never free. What if all of the fighting that I have been through only ended in the mouth of titan?</p><p> </p><p>My thoughts kept on running until I sensed a hand waving in front of me.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” He asked with a sweet and soft voice. I looked up and saw this undercut blonde hair and big innocent blue eyes staring at me with a gentle smile. “Your face looks pale. Do you need to go to a nursing room? I could take you there if you want” He flooded me with his concerning voice, I could not even comprehend his first question.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” I replied silently and finished my plate when he kept on observing me. “Could you please stop looking at me, I said I’m fine.” I snapped. His face suddenly filled with shock and guilt with my unwelcoming reaction then he quickly bowed down his head and repeatedly apologized. </p><p>“I- I am sorry that I make you feel uncomfortable! I’m sorry.” I was confused for a second then got up and left the table right away.</p><p> </p><p>‘Gosh… Why am I like this.' I thought to myself because I knew it was terrible to say mean things to people I have just met. More than that, he was just only concerned about me and I didn’t even say sorry back. </p><p>I hurriedly walked back to my room when along the way I saw two girls were carrying Sasha that was passed out. “Hey, you! Rose right? Is this his potato girl your sister?” One tall girl with a freckle on her face asked me naggingly. I rolled my eyes a little bit and nodded my head.</p><p> </p><p>“Then come get your stupid sister. She’s heavy.” She smirked and put Sasha on the ground. “Ymir! You don’t have to be so mean to people you know?” A little blonde girl next to her disputed. “At Least I’m not pretending to do something nice, Krista.” She replied with an even more annoying tone then walked away. </p><p> </p><p>“I am so sorry, I don’t know why that girl is like that. Do you need help with your sister?” Krista turned back at me and started apologizing. </p><p>Does every blonde person here are all kind and nice? They all look so innocent with those big blue eyes. Ah… I felt bad about that boy again. “It’s okay, I’ll take her,” I replied. Before she could say anything more, I put Sasha on my back and left to our room.</p><p> </p><p>I cleaned her face that was full of breadcrumbs and put her to bed before I cleaned myself up and threw myself straight to bed. I lied down as I’m looking out the small window, staring at this painting-like balloon hanging in the sky. The size of the moon barely fits the size of our small window. </p><p> </p><p>She still looks as beautiful as she is every night.</p><p> </p><p>As this is my first night at training camp, I get up and walk out of the cabin, standing under the clear night sky with the big full moon above me.</p><p> </p><p>This is the beginning, right? After all the good and bad I have been through, I’m finally here, training to kill off those titans that I have not ever thought about. Being here, I wish I could find something to hold on to. I was so devastated to live and now…</p><p> </p><p>I don’t know the purpose of this life anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe I would want to be Military police? A Garrison? A Survey Corps? Or would I want to slaughter all of the titans out of this world, to save humanity? To get outside the wall? Or maybe... </p><p> </p><p>Maybe I’m only here to find-</p><p> </p><p>“Hi” a voice coming from behind me that breaks me from my thoughts. A not so tall figure standing not so far from me.</p><p> </p><p>It was him.</p><p> </p><p>The boy at the canteen. He is now standing from me with some distance, but I still manage to see his nervous smile and his big blue eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey” I greeted back as he slowly walked up to me, rubbing his hand behind his neck. “I- uh….”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry” I interrupted him. His face got even more panic “Yes I-, I’m sorry that I made you feel-”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean- I’m sorry… for what I said earlier.” I look straight at him. “I know you were trying to be nice. I didn’t mean to be like that, I apologize.” </p><p>A look of surprise crossed his face when he replied. “Oh! you don’t have to! I was the one who interrupted you, but… thanks for saying that” He muttered his last sentence, avoiding my eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>We went into an awkward silence for a moment, then he blurted out “My name is Armin, Armin Arlert.” Rubbing his hand on his shirt a little bit before he sticks his hand out in front of me with a big bright smile, enough to turn his big round eyes into a rainbow shape with a tiny redness on his nose.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Rose Erd-... Braus” I shook his hand, barely touched it. A quietness took place again, so I turned around and did what I’m doing, glaring at the moon. </p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t you cold out here?” He asked me with concern. “Are you?” I questioned back.</p><p> </p><p>“A little bit to be honest, but at this time, the star is in its best position.” He tilted his head up. “You can clearly see the Aquila constellation right there.” His eyes lit up once he started talking about the stars. </p><p>I never knew there was a name for a group of stars. This is what I have missed from living down there.</p><p> </p><p>“I- It was boring, isn’t it? Haha I’ll stop-”</p><p>“No! Please continue!” I must have unintentionally stared at him while I was spacing out. What he was talking about was not boring at all, instead, it is amusing.</p><p> </p><p>“Perhaps,... do you know anything about… the moon?” I nervously inquired. He stared at me wide-eyed for a second before letting out a wide smile and a small giggle. His eyes spark up “I actually have a whole book about it! I can give it to you if you want.” I pressed my lip together trying to hold my excitement, hoping he will not catch it from my shivering eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Can I?”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I only use my heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>Kids by Current Joys</em>
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</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <a href="https://youtu.be/dDDulcqQEuc">https://youtu.be/dDDulcqQEuc</a>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>#7 I only use my heart</b>
</p>
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</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 849, Wall Rose</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Reiner Braun, dedicated in both mind and body and well respected by his comrades.</span>
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</p>
<p>
  <span>Armin Arlert, though physically frail, his aptitude in the classroom is extraordinary.</span>
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</p>
<p>
  <span>Annie Leonhart, her slice attacks are absolutely flawless, but her reclusive nature makes her a poor fit for team missions.</span>
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</p>
<p>
  <span>Bertholdt Hoover, possesses remarkable potential but lacks aggression.</span>
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</p>
<p>
  <span>Jean Krischtein, Top-class in omnidirectional mobility, but his volatile personality tends to cause friction with others.</span>
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</p>
<p>
  <span>Sasha Braus, has unconventionally good nutrition but also demonstrates poor teamwork as a result.</span>
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</p>
<p>
  <span>Conny Springer, excels at executing quick turns but is also a bit dim-witted.</span>
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</p>
<p>
  <span>Mikasa Ackerman, completely proficient in every area. It’s suitable to say She’s unmatched, unprecedented talent.</span>
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<p>
  
</p>
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  <span>Eren Jaeger, no real specialties, but he has improved his grades with his unparalleled effort.</span>
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<p>
  
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<p>
  <span>Lastly, Rose Braus. Preeminent in omnidirectional mobility skill and unrivaled maneuvering skill that is rare to find, still she has not appeared to work well as a team.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hahhh” Armin exhaustingly sighs while dropping himself to the floor, laying down facing up to the sky. “Need a hand?” A girl standing above his head looking down at him with a straight face like she always does.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I just need a rest… for… ha… a second.” Gasping in the air, Armin closes his eyes and feels the spring breeze that cools down his heated face. The quiet sound of grass swaying in the wind and the soft sounds of the cadet talking, relaxing in their resting time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you fainted?” breaking the silence, Armin opened up his eyes to see a familiar face not so far apart from his, checking his breathing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No…” Armin quietly replied under his breath, memorized by the beautiful scenery in front of him, or let’s say...the face in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then get up, I brought you snacks” He sprinted himself up and suddenly looked away. He is fully aware that his redness on the cheeks and nose is too obvious and also his weirdly fast heart rate.</span>
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<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He has been like this for quite a while now. He doesn't know when this weird behavior started to happen, probably when she listened to him bragging about the moon and star stuff for hours or when her eyes turned soft looking at the night sky. He has no clue what exactly is happening to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Finally found you Armin, and you Rose. Are you done practicing hand-combat? I want to try some more.” Eren showed up, followed by Mikasa and Reiner. “Eren but you got thrown by Annie, you need to rest,” said Mikasa.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did not get thrown, Mikasa! I just tripped. Anyways, do you guys know that Annie was strangely good at hand combating? She could even beat Reiner!” Eren questioned while all of them sat down next to the two. “I tripped too, Eren. Remembered? Haha?” Reiner let out an awkward grin before pointing toward a group of people walking up to them. “Here comes the trio.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rosieeeeeeee” A loud voice coming from Sasha who is now running toward her pretending-sister. Rose looks up while slowly hiding her snacks behind her back. Sasha crouched, nearly jumped, down to Rose who is having a ‘not again’ face noticeably showing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I-” “No, go get your own.” Sasha’s smile turned upside down, raising her eyebrows with droopy eyes. She said “I did! But this Horse face dropped it and they won’t give me another one because they ran out of bread!” She complained while giving Jean the rancorously look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re blaming me?!” Jean argues when Eren suddenly speaks up. “Apologize to her Horse face,” Eren smirks, pleasing with his word choice. “Shut up Eren. Also, She is the one who’s trying to show me the weird shit duo pose. Isn’t that right Connie?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh? Uh… yeah? Maybe? I don’t know! I was focusing on the pose! Can’t you just… share yours, Rose?” He confusingly answered. “Then give her yours,” Rose replied with a straight voice. Connie instantly hid his bread behind his back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>A whole group of people turns silent due to the increasing tension between Rose, Sasha, and Connie. In the middle of a mind game, Armin breaks the silence and does what a person like him always does. “Ahaha… alright guys, it’s not a big deal right? Here, Sasha, take mi-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Armin, No,” Rose stated, looking at Armin with a side-eye. He always knew that Rose is a scary and uncharitable person, and swear to god, he could never get along with a person with this type of personality. Somehow, he knows her well enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“W- Why are you so cold-hearted huh? You are more like Annie’s sister. Sasha is she really your sib-.OUCH!!! Sasha!!!!” Sasha, who was a second ago sitting beside Rose, is now standing up and chopping the side of her palm on Connie’s head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut it skinny brain. My sister and I are funnier than you.” She said. “Is that so HUH?! Tell me a joke then.” He puffed up his chest and waited for the reaction from them. The whole group that is now added Marco and Bertholdt, seem to enjoy the comedy-drama show in front of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guess I’ll have to go first then.” Connie continued. “What do you call a person with no body and no nose?” He raised his eyebrows and smirk playfully before answering his question.</span>
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<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“NOBODY KNOWS. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA” Finishing his own jokes, Connie tends to the only one who laughed, except Marco that politely giggled. “Genius right? I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right Connie, I’ll go next” Sasha stood with hands resting on her waist, challenging the small guy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me Connie, is your belt made of watches?” Connie suddenly looked down at his belt. “What? No. Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you ARE A WAIST OF TIME.” Again, the whole group went silent, looking at dumb and dumber fighting each other with (not even close to) funny jokes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“pufft” All at once, everybody there looking in the same direction. “Thee- hee… HAHAHAHAHAHA''. Everybody’s eyes widen, jaws dropped, some even let go of the stuff in their hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rose,... you can laugh?” Eren asked. Confusingly, all of them started to laugh along with Rose. It’s like they are mesmerized by Rose’s rare laughing moment, obviously not by the joke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, not all of them. Mesmerized by the laugh, her high-pitched chuckle, her sheer red cheeks together with half-moon-shaped eyes, and most of all, her rare wide smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Armin knows her well enough to know that he had already fallen for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Connie… are you seeing this?” Shocked Sasha asked Connie which still cannot close his jaws. “I made… I made her laugh…” Starting to get emotional, she continued with a shaky voice. “I made my sister laugh, Connie. Do you know how long I’ve been trying? I’m gonna cry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m confused… WHY ARE YOU GUYS LAUGHING. IT’S NOT EVEN THAT FUNNY!!” Connie fumed. He turned to Sasha whose mood changed to being overly proud, puffing her chest. “I guess I’m funnier than you.” She smirks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, whatever! I don’t have to be funny to be cool anyway. I can be like captain Levi you know?” Immediately, the name caught Rose’s attention.</span>
</p>
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</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did you say?” She walked straight up to Connie. “Say what? That I can be cool?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! …. Levi… did you say Captain Levi?” “Ah yes! Captain Levi! Yeah, I did. Why?” Only hearing that name, something in her lightened up. She knew it. She knew he would be here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How- I mean who is he?” Rose is barely able to keep her excitement. “Captain Levi? Dude, humanity’s strongest soldier! How can you not know him! He even got his own squad in the scout regiment called Levi’s squad. Cool right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>It feels like lifting a whole rock off her chest, a feeling of relief filled her heart that she hasn’t felt for years. An even brighter smile crossed her face again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>With no one paying attention to her, Armin is the only person again to notice this unseen gentle smile. How can he not notice when her eyes sparkled like it has never been before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘They are alive. Farlan, Isabel, and Levi, they are alive.’</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. a lifeless face that you'll soon forget</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW!!!!! Serious injured/Blood</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <b>Youth by Daughter</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>
      <a href="https://youtu.be/2QT5eGHCJdE">https://youtu.be/2QT5eGHCJdE</a>
    </b>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>#8 a lifeless face that you'll soon forget</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 850, Wall Rose</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The 218 cadets went on to reach graduation</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cadets cherish their graduation with joy. Some rejoiced how they could get in the military police regiment, some were stressed about how they did not have a chance to choose because they are not even close to the top ten. All those rambling doesn’t bother me as I get used to all the drama these people have. I don’t give a shit about the top ten either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I already have my purpose. I know where I want to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Congratulations to you too Rose!” A girl with pigtail hair handed me a glass of mysterious liquor that everyone at the moment seemed to enjoy as the people in their 20s should.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?... uh… thanks haha” Ah shit… what was her name again?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Mina, Mina Carolina.” She squinted her nose playfully as if she could read my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! You’re Mina! I know!” I awkwardly laugh to cover the embarrassment. “Thanks for the drink. Oh and congratulations to you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Rose!” You know when she’s a talkative and friendly one when there is not so much dead air between the conversations. “So… what will you choose, the regiment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The scout” I answer with no hesitation, which is a strange answer, strangely for many people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew it.” She casually replied and acted like she just won the bet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that so obvious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… I mean… It’s not hard to guess when people like you give the same energy as Eren, Mikasa, or Annie. Even though you aren't one of the top ten, but still, it seems like you know what to do and where to be. What I mean is, you are a strong bad-ass person.” She said, smiling brightly. “Actually, I...I really wanna be your friend.” She continued with little bright red cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I doubt that she didn’t have much conscience saying these things. Probably, an effect from that mysterious brownish drink. “I’m flattered,” I said. “But… I gotta admit that I’m not good at being someone’s… friend.” Clearly, It affects me too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what your friend told me tho.” She praised, playfully raising her eyebrows. “the Survey Corps huh? Let’s survive shall we?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I always knew that being cold to people is just a defense mechanism I learned from someone. However, there are these types of people, such as Armin, Sasha, Isabelle, and This girl right here that no matter how hard you try, you can never reject them. “Yeah, Let’s survive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The next day</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The weight on my head is killing me. There was an order for us to go up to the wall and check the mounted cannon. The order is to be there at 9. Apparently, I woke up at 9, so yeah I am late. I would not blame Sasha for not waking me up because yesterday she already told me that she has a secret mission to do, must be something about stealing meat or potatoes again, but at least she could have checked on me maybe?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck would you make it so complicated to wear.” I cussed while putting on equipment and rushed my ass heading to the enormous wall. Luckily, it was not that far from the dormitory. I ran as fast as I could while looking up to the top of the wall to see if everybody was already up there. When suddenly, In between the clear sky, I saw a flash of lightning just above my head, together with a rumbling sound. At the front of my eyes, a gigantic face appeared over the wall, the humongous wall. Its face has no skin covered, just flesh combining with teeth that are the size of a human.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s the titan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Colossal Titan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I stood there, eyes widened. My mind could not even process whether this is a reality or am I still stuck in a dream, or I could say the worst nightmare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowded city went silent before it was replaced with a blasting clatter loud as the world was trembling down. Right before I noticed, a wave of air with a pile of rocks flew directly towards me. I didn’t know that I was lashed off until my perspective changed, and everything turned black when I felt my back touch the ground.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again, I opened my eyes hoping what just happened is not true, but it was. In the distance, abnormal size figures were heading toward me. I don’t know for how long I have been passed out, but it must be quite a while to see the titan arrive and some of the cadets are already doing their jobs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surrounded by people running and screaming past me, I gather all the little consciousness that I have left, get up, and swing myself to the roof of the building beside me. I hurriedly equipped the blade while my mind was still processing the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you doing?!!!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eren!!!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t go off your own”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I turned to the shouting, seeing Eren heading to one titan, followed by Armin, Mina, and other Cadets. I followed them from a distance when out of nowhere, one titan jumped and bit off Eren’s leg. Before I realized a huge hand swung directly to my face and I again fell to the ground. My head was already bleeding and made it impossible for me to get back up again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And right before my eyes, one of them grabbed Mina’s sling and swooped her back until her body hit the building. I stopped in fright, watching the surrealistic situation in front of me happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fucking move, Rose. This is not the time to be weak. Do what you need to do. You’ve trained for this. You’ve prepared yourself for this. You are even a top list cadet, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So why aren’t my legs moving?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My friends are being eaten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You are going to watch them die?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before I could even get up, blood splatter all over the place as I watched Mina’s body split into two parts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now, Armin is in Titan's mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could not let this happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I gather my last strength, don’t give a fuck about my badly injured leg, and go help Armin as quick as I can. Before I could get to him, Eren on the other side pulled him out of the Titan’s mouth, and again, right in front of my face, his arm was chopped off and his body was swallowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I grabbed Armin instantly and escaped from that horrific scene. I didn't even have time to comprehend the situation nor cope with deaths. All I need to do right now is survive. I need to survive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Let’s survive shall we?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Yeah, Let’s survive’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We just said that yesterday</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So many things had happened within just one day. I and some cadets did survive and escaped from the Trost District. It sounds unbelievable, but we survived mostly because of Eren, that was in a Titan form. However, we only survived to again go back in the Trost district to ‘bring back humanity’s territory.' Our duty is to devote our lives and protect Eren. That is why right now, with my injured leg, I use all my strength to fight these Titans that kept on killing and killing people, including my friends. Some were torn apart, some were bitten in half and some were swallowed alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all happened right before my eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One by one, I slaughter them, not knowing when it’s all going to end. I’m getting tired of this shit. The smells of blood, the organs, and body parts dropping on the floor, the nauseated feeling is inescapable. I stopped and threw up at one building. With my leg that already gave up, I automatically fell to the ground and watched another of my comrades being eaten, begging for their lives.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the left, a smiling 15 feet Titan is walking toward me and on the right, there are another two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Should I just…. drop the blade? Give up?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Watch out!!!!!” A familiar voice coming from behind, a voice that I haven't heard for years. A voice of a person I’ve been looking for.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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